A Warped World

I know I haven't wrote anything in awhile. It's been very hard to get on day to day here. On the 22nd of October my husband told me he wanted a divorce. (Three days before our 4th wedding anniversary.)
I was shocked. Blindsided. Heart broken.
I love my husband. And it hurts to hear all the horrible things that have been coming out of his mouth. (Usually he's been drinking.) All the blame that is being layed right at my feet. Or rather, on my shoulders. It seems that everything that ever went wrong with this marriage is my fault.
He filed for divorce on November 7th. He had our neighbor serve me. In front of my kids.
I cannot imagine what kind of monster this person has become that I married.
He seems to be a different person. He says one thing then turns around and either says the opposite, or adds more to what he said. (First it was 3 months that he's been feeling this way- that was 3 months ago. Now, in the past 3 weeks it has gone up to he's been thinking about this for a year and a half.)
I feel like I am totally lost. I lost my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my husband. He has been gone almost every night and drinking and I don't know who he is anymore.
I am scared of him. I am scared FOR him. I am scared for my family. My children are all important to me.
In the past month I have lost 30 pounds. I have trouble sleeping. I dread going to work, afraid for what will happen here. And I dread coming home because of who/what I will find when I get here.
I have cried more tears in the past 3 months than I have my entire life. I have cried pretty much daily.
We are in counseling now, which is a very good thing I think. I am praying it will help.
The Dr. Jeckell & Mr. Hyde thing is getting really scary.
My two daughters have been sleeping with me. (Mutual support I guess. My oldest is seeing, hearing and understanding everything going on, my youngest just wants to snuggle with Mommy at night. Who am I to say no? I am getting the benefits of feeling like someone is close.)
Please pray for us.